Etching Our Way (Broken Tracks Series Book 1) Read online

  I walk over and take it from him begrudgingly, placing it down on my desk without taking a drink as my nostrils flare at the sight of him in my office. I snap my head toward the windows, needing a distraction from him. He reminds me too much of her.

  “So?” he asks. “What’s been going on?”

  I turn my head from the windows toward him, tilting my head to the side. I don’t know whether to tell him that Harmony is back in town and that I saw her, or whether to keep it quiet. I’m sure they’ll run into each other at some stage—if he hasn’t already.

  The four of us were a unit: Harmony, Natalia, Nathan and I. I suppose that’s what made it even worse with my father making me marry Natalia, the fact that we were all so close. Nate had no choice but to choose sides, and he chose us. When we all started college, he took Natalia under his wing, looking out for her. She was always quiet, never saying much, but she was his cousin, and family is everything to him.

  Deciding to omit that I know she’s here but knowing he won’t stop with the questions unless I give him something, I say, “Pete tried to turn the board against me.” I wince as soon as the words leave my mouth. All I want is to tell him to leave me the hell alone, to get out of my office and not to come back, but instead I’m making conversation with him.

  “You’re shitting me!” He chuckles, throwing his whiskey back and getting up to pour another one. “What happened?”

  I narrow my eyes at him, tilting my head to the side as I decide to test him. “He arranged a meeting with the board on Saturday while I was at the kids’ art show.”

  “Fucking hell.” He shakes his head. “I can get my people to look into it?” he asks.

  I nod my head in reply. “Yeah, get the team on it.” I tilt my head, watching him carefully before I say, “You know the art class the kids go to? ‘Willow Arts.’”

  I wait for any telltale signs that he knew about all of it—about Harmony being back—but after several seconds, all he says is, “I think you mentioned it, would’ve been nice if you had invited me.”

  I huff out a breath, feeling like I can never get a read on him anymore; not since he became a lawyer. I shake my head as I think about it, isn’t that what they’re paid to do anyway? Lie.

  “I didn’t think it necessary after the stunt you pulled at the recital.”

  He narrows his eyes at me. “I did nothing wrong and you know it, stop being an ass.” My arms cross over my chest, but he blows out a breath, changing the conversation back. “Did he really think he’d get away with it?” he asks, bringing the glass to his lips and cocking a brow.

  “He did. Worked in my favor though, the board saw him for the slimy traitor that he is and now he’s gone for good.”

  “What a dumbass.”

  “Yep.”

  I stand up, walking over to the windows and placing the palms of my hands on the cool glass relishing in the silence for a few seconds.

  “How’s the kiddiwinkles?” he asks.

  I wait a beat before I clear my throat. “They’re good.”

  “We haven’t spent any proper time together in a while, we should do something fun!” I see his face break out into a big grin in the reflection of the glass, his eyes sparkling. “How about a cookout!”

  I turn around to face him, narrowing my eyes as I start to think it over. Being around family and having fun would do the kids a world of good and maybe it’s exactly what they need. I can feel the selfish side of me rearing its ugly head because I don’t know if I can be around everyone at the same time, having them all studying me and asking if I’m okay every five seconds. But it’s not about me, this is for the kids. I can’t even remember the last time we had people over at the—

  Wait, no, I can. It was Izzie’s baby shower.

  Shutters slam down in my mind, shutting down the idea right away. My mind wanders as I think back to that day, to all of the people who came to wish us luck; to celebrate Natalia’s pregnancy. It was the last time many of those people saw her alive.

  I swallow at that thought and close my eyes, trying my best to keep my composure.

  “No, I’m busy.”

  I straighten up, pulling the cuffs of my jacket down, twisting the buttons that sit on the outside.

  “You know what,” Nate says while slamming down his glass on the table in front of him. He stands up, a frown on his face. “You need to get your shit together.”

  My head reels back and my hands clench into fists at my side. “You need—”

  “No.” He slices his hand through the air. “I don’t need to do anything.” He takes two steps forward. “If you opened your fucking eyes, you’d have an idea of what is going on around you, but you’re too stuck in your own selfish bubble to realize that people need you.”

  “That right?” I ask, a sneer pulling at my lips. “Do you have any idea what it’s like going back to that house every day knowing that she’s not there?”

  “Tris—”

  “Do you have any idea what it’s like to hear your son screaming for his mom during the night? To be so scared of the dark that he has to sleep with countless nightlights on, knowing there’s nothing you can do to help him?”

  “Tris, I’m not talking about the kids—”

  I take a step forward, toe to toe with him now as I grind out, “Do you have any idea what it’s like to look into your daughter’s eyes and see your dead wife? Do you? Huh?”

  The tense atmosphere wraps around us as we stare each other down, both of our chests heaving.

  “Do you think you’re the only one grieving?” he thunders. “She was my family too, just like those kids are. Yet you won’t even talk about their mom.”

  “Because I fucking can’t!” I choke on the sob that bubbles up, a giant ball lodging in my throat as I squeeze my eyes shut. “I can’t talk about her,” I whisper.

  I feel his hand on my shoulder, squeezing gently. “You have to, not for you, but for those two little humans who need to know all about her.” I open my eyes, trying to hold back the traitorous tears. “Clay may think he remembers her, but he doesn’t. He remembers the idea of her. And Izzie? She never met her and yet you won’t tell them what they need to know.” His words hit me like a ten-ton brick in the chest, making me stumble back. “I can’t—”

  “They need to know about her: the way she danced, the way she sang to Clay, the way she would read Izzie princess books while she was pregnant.” He pauses for a beat. “Did you not see the way that Izzie’s eyes lit up when I talked about Natalia dancing?”

  Truth be told, I didn’t, I was too wrapped up in my own mind, struggling with the memories. A muscle in my jaw ticks at his words because he’s right, but it still wasn’t his place to say anything to Izzie about her.

  “They need to talk about her, Tris. You’re acting as if she never existed.”

  I’ve been so good at pushing it all aside, not wanting to entertain even the smallest thought about her that I’ve forgot all about the good times. There were many; that was the thing with Nat and me, we had the same sense of humor and loved to laugh.

  Closing my eyes, my world spins as I start to realize that I’m the only one who can tell the kids about their mom; the only one who can explain how much she loved them.

  “Come on,” Nate says slapping my shoulder gently. “You need an afternoon off, let’s go and have a drink.”

  I shake my head, pulling back from him as the anger comes back to the surface and my eyes clash with his. “No… I told you, I’m busy.”

  “The hell you are.” He shakes his head. “Get your fucking shit and let’s go.” My eyes widen as I stare at him walking toward the door and holding it open. “I’m not asking you to do this for me.” He pauses for a beat before saying, “Do it for the kids.”

  My chest heaves as I try to catch a breath, staring into his eyes and seeing the concern shining through them. Finally relenting, I nod solemnly, not able to say another thing as I follow him out of my office, my head stuck inside those
memories; the good ones.

  I lift my head as Nate comes to a stop, seeing my house and only now realizing that I’ve been stuck inside my head since I left my office.

  “What are we doing here?” I ask, spotting several other cars in the driveway as I push out of his car and slam the door.

  “Listen, Tris, we thought—”

  “Tristan!”

  My head whips around to the front door, seeing my mom standing there with a huge smile on her face. What the hell is going on here?

  “Is that Daddy?” My muscles tense and my back straightens at the sound of Izzie’s voice; she should still be in school for another hour.

  “Izzie?” I ask as I step forward, opening my arms for her as she runs at me.

  “Nana came and gotted me and Clay from school and we’re having burgers.” She wriggles out of my arms and grabs my hand. “Come on, Daddy.”

  I turn my head, first looking at Nate and then at my mom, seeing the knowing look in their eyes. They’ve been working together and set me up.

  I tamp down the anger and let Izzie pull me through the house and out into the backyard. I scan the area, seeing that most of the stuff for a cookout is already set up on the table that Clay, Amelia, and Edward sit around.

  “I need to go and get changed,” I tell Izzie, letting go of her hand. “I’ll be back in a minute.”

  She nods her head at me before skipping over to Amelia and sitting next to her.

  I take the opportunity to get away from it all and head back inside, walking toward Nate and Mom as they walk in the direction of the backyard, more anger rolling through me. “What do you two think you’re doing?”

  “I…” Mom’s hand flies to her chest, her fingers tapping relentlessly before she turns to Nate for his help.

  “I already told you.” He shrugs. “You need to get your shit together, and this is the first step.”

  He takes Mom’s hand, pulling her toward the backyard and leaving me standing in the kitchen, watching them as they all laugh.

  Who the hell do they think they are doing this? This is my home, my family, my kids. What gives them—

  My eyes flit to the grill as the memory of Natalia and me standing in front of it assaults me, her swollen stomach sitting between us as she tells me Izzie is kicking her like a soccer ball again.

  Natalia wouldn’t want this; she wouldn’t want all this anger to consume me the way it is right now. She’d want me to go upstairs and get changed, to have a fun afternoon with the family.

  I sigh, bracing my hands on the kitchen counter before pushing off it and heading upstairs. I pull off the suffocating suit and change into a t-shirt and jeans—already feeling lighter—before walking downstairs and heading over to the grill, taking the spatula out of Edward’s hand and not saying a word to anyone as I concentrate on the burgers sitting in front of me.

  I flip them over before lifting my head and smiling at the laughter coming from Clay and Izzie. I can’t remember the last time both of the kids ran around the garden, playing like they should. It’s been too long and I need to work on that; I need to make sure that they laugh more and act like kids.

  I watch as Izzie tags Clay and runs off, hiding behind Nate and squealing as Clay gets closer to her.

  “Help me, Uncle Nate!”

  He leans down, picking her up and putting her on his shoulders before running in a huge circle as Clay chases after them both, trying his best not to let the laughter overtaking his body stop his fast pace.

  My grin widens at the sight of them all and a foreign feeling of peace washes over me that I haven’t felt in so long.

  It’s taken us over five years to get to this point and they’ve been five hard years, but things are going to change from now on. No more hiding away to save my own feelings.

  The sound of the doorbell ringing brings me out of my thoughts and I put the spatula down as Amelia comes out of the kitchen, passing Mom a glass of white wine.

  “I’ll get it,” I tell her as she starts to walk back into the house.

  I walk through the kitchen and over the marble floors, pulling the front door open and coming face to face with a UPS man.

  “Package for Amelia Rivers,” he murmurs.

  I take the clipboard he holds out to me and sign my name, taking the box from him and closing the door.

  “It’s for you,” I say when I’m back out on the terrace, handing Amelia the package. She takes it from me, her face screwing up as she stares down at it. “Everything okay, A?”

  “Erm… yeah, sure.” She pastes a smile on her face and spins around, walking across the circle stones that are interspersed in the grass and over to the pool house.

  I frown as I watch her walk inside and shut the door behind her, leaving me confused. She’s never secretive, but whatever is in that package has her acting strange.

  Was Nate right? Have I been blind to the things going on around me?

  “Dude,” Nate says, coming to stand beside me and taking my focus off Amelia.

  I shake my head, going back to the burgers and flipping them over again. “Dude? Really, Nate?”

  He shrugs. “Just because I’m in my thirties doesn’t mean I’m any less of an eighteen-year-old at heart.”

  I grin at him, remembering the long hair he had right up until he started at the law firm. He was the definition of “hippie” in college and someone who I never thought I could be friends with. Up until I met him, all of my real friends lived on the other side of the tunnel, but he was like me. He had family money behind him yet he wasn’t afraid to be himself. I think that’s why we became so close, because we both knew the pressures of carrying our family names but also trying to fight to be yourself at the same time.

  Lately, we’ve drifted apart, no longer the close friends that we used to be. I know it’s my fault, that I’ve pulled away from him because of what he reminds me of, but I don’t know how to get back to the place we were once at. I don’t know if we can ever be those two carefree people again.

  I shake my head, dispelling my thoughts and plate the cooked burgers before carrying them to the table and telling Clay and Izzie to come and sit down to eat.

  “So…” he starts when I’m back at the grill, looking all around him. “I need to tell you something that I probably should have said in your office.”

  I raise a brow at the look on his face. “Okay.”

  He shuffles on the spot, pulling his shirt away from his neck. “I… I shouldn’t have kept it from you but... I saw her.” He lifts his drink to his lips and takes a huge gulp. “She came to me for legal help and I panicked. I didn’t know it was her at first, not until she turned up. If I had known then I would have told you, hell, I know now that I should have told you right after she walked out of my office, but… damn… I didn’t think it was a good idea… and now… well...”

  I grab the plate of ribs I was cooking and walk toward the table, placing them in the middle and taking a few steps back toward him out of earshot of the kids. I know that what he has to say will rile me up because nothing makes Nate tongue-tied like this. He’s a straight shooter, never worming his way around a point.

  “I have no idea who you’re talking about, Nate. You’re gonna have to give me a name.”

  He scrapes his hand through his hair, looking off to the pool house when Amelia exits. “Something’s up with her,” he states, clearly trying to change the conversation that he just started. I ignore him, not prepared to tell him that something felt off when I gave her the package and walk back toward the table.

  “Sit by me, Amelia!” Izzie shouts, patting the seat next to her. “Why are your eyes like that?” she whispers to her when Amelia is sitting down next to her.

  “Oh…” Amelia stammers. “I—I erm... Got something in my eye.”

  “Daddy should check it, he always checks my hurts.”

  I tilt my head, studying her as I sit opposite her and Izzie. “A?” I ask, knowing that she’s been crying from the redness of
her eyes.

  She looks up from the table, her eyes flitting to Nate briefly before she picks her fork up. “This looks delicious.”

  I can see she’s uncomfortable and doesn’t want to talk about it, so I won’t push her, but I convey that I’m here by the look in my eyes. By the slight nod of her head, I see that she knows what I’m trying to say.

  We all start eating, small chatter around the table and the atmosphere surprisingly light until Nate blurts out, “Harmony.” My head shoots up to his where he stands at the end of the table. My brows coming down low on my forehead. “That’s who I was talking about. When you mentioned Willow Arts earlier, I should’ve told you that she’d been to see me... she’s back.”

  Everyone goes silent, not a word spoken as the air fizzles and cracks with tension. I know what they’re all thinking without even saying a word. They all know she’s back, but not one of them has spoken her name in front of me as of yet.

  “Willow Arts? That’s where me and Clay go, Daddy!” Izzie says happily, none the wiser to the tension around the table.

  “It is,” I reply, trying to keep the anger out of my voice before asking Nate, “How long ago?”

  He looks away and whispers something before looking back at me, his eyes clashing with mine. “A couple of months back.”

  “You mean to tell me,” I say, my voice deepening as I stand up. “That you’ve known she’s been back for months and didn’t think I should know?”

  “Well… I…”

  “Jesus, Nate. She’s their art teacher,” I announce, pointing to Clay and Izzie. “Had you told me when she first came back then I probably would have worked it out and not sent them there.” I lower my voice so only he can hear. “I don’t want them there anymore.”

  There’s too much history, too much pain, not just between us, but in my past too.

  “I’m sorry,” he sighs.

  “Tristan,” Mom calls, but I ignore her, pushing my chair back fully so that I can move.

  “I need to make a few calls.”

  I practically run into the house and up to my office, darting for the bottom drawer in my desk where I keep it along with the envelope that has been sitting there for years, still unopened.